My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
