This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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