Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
