Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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