11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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