brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
