that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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