and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
