WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
