Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
