Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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