Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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