you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize