I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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