I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
