i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
