So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
