Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize