She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
