I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
