nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
