Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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