My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
