Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
