You can't special order awesome
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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