I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
