Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
