The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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