i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
