My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
