i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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