who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
