why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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