I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
