Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
