sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
