My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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