i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
