You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
