I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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