the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
