But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
