VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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