Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
