i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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