____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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