thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
