I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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