so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
