I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
