in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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