He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
