ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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