she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
