Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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