if i can run in heels then i can drive
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
