Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
