just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
