On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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