I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
