I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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