and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize