dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
