You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
