Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
