My nipple is on Facebook.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
