My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
